Kauri Cliffs, New Zealand. I came. I saw. I killed possums
Adventures in Golf: Hunting for birdies—and possums—at Kauri Cliffs, New Zealand
"Terrible tragedy of the South Seas," a Brit once said of New Zealand. "Three million people trapped alive."
We should all be so trapped.
After one layover, 8,822 nautical miles, 23 hours in the air, and countless elbow battles for dominion of my coach-class armrest, I reached Kauri Cliffs, a five-star resort and spa that unfurls over 6,000 eye-popping acres of sheep-and-cattle farm on Matauri Bay, on New Zealand's North Island.
I love, love, love this place. Love it. I want to get married there. I want to get divorced there. Here's why:
The course
No. 78 on Golf Magazine's Top 100 World Courses, David Harman's design has wide fairways and dramatic Pacific Ocean views. It's like Pebble Beach, but better: It's so remote you likely won't run into Kenny G or George Lopez. (The resort's sister property, the Farm at Cape Kidnappers, is home to the Tom Doak design of the same name, no. 36 on Golf Magazine's World list.)
The people
They're sweet as pie, with adorable, homespun expressions. Go during the holidays to hear locals chirp things like, "Just 12 more sleeps till Christmas!"
The amenities
There are spacious cottages for the well-heeled, a cushy spa for the well-peeled, two tennis courts, and three private beaches. Offsite activities include snorkeling, kayaking, and… aww, who cares! The coolest perk by far is…
The possum-hunting
Contrary to popular belief, New Zealand's most obnoxious native is not Russell Crowe. The country is overrun with millions of possums, nocturnal nuisances that kill crops, ravage vegetation and multiply faster than Jon and Kate. They outnumber Kiwis by an estimated 20-1, which is why Kauri Cliffs offers guided nighttime hunting expeditions on resort property. That's right. You pay to help them control the country's vermin population. But it's worth every penny (about $100). Hunting at night beneath the flickering Southern Cross is, well, a blast—a surreal, unforgettable adventure that's a hit with both the resort's amateur-golf guests and VIP pros (including the Champions Tour's Dave Stockton). After all, it's easier to control a pump-action shotgun than a loose-flex driver.
"Possums are a huge problem here," said my hunting guide Phil, a former special-forces soldier, as he placed a shotgun and bolt-action rifle in the back of his 4-by-4. They aren't just pests. They're little bastards. "They'll eat all the fruit off a tree by taking one bite, tossing it away, taking another bite from another piece, and on and on until it's bare." The nerve! Don't they know there are starving possums in China? Let me at 'em.
"Are you OK with shooting wild dogs and cats?" Phil asked. "We may run into some."
"Sure," I lied. Who was I kidding? I couldn't shoot feral Snoopy. I'd never killed anything, besides the mood on a first date and the odd Guinness keg.
Luckily, no dogs turned up, but plenty of brushtail possums did. You blast them like so: The guide points his flashlight in the trees, letting the beam reflect in their eyes. Level your crosshairs on the twin diamonds shining on yonder branch and…kapow! It's almost too easy. The light hypnotizes them for several moments—like a deer in headlights or Sergio in a major—so I was able to shoot, miss, reload, shoot, miss, make a sandwich, check email, and shoot again. And carcasses are left to the scavengers. No fuss, no muss.
I bagged six. By night's end, I was literally riding shotgun, pegging possums off fence posts through my open window. But it was the night's first kill that was my welcome-to-the-bush moment. The buckshot from my maiden blast winged a baby possum, who fell to the ground, injured but alive. My guide Phil grabbed him, no bigger than a mouse, by the tail. "We shouldn't let him suffer," he said. Agreed. Off to the marsupial E.R.? Ahh, no. Phil tossed him on the ground and with his big black boot stomped him flatter than a veal cutlet. I felt like Linus after Lucy gutted the pumpkin: "You didn't tell me you were gonna kill it."
That's when I knew we were not just playing possum.
Special Kauri Cliffs deal for Golf.com readers
Kauri Cliffs Golf Course, Lodge and Spa is offering Golf.com readers the "Nirvana in New Zealand" package. The limited-time offer includes two nights' lodge accommodation in a deluxe suite with daily pre-dinner drinks, a la carte dinner, and full breakfast, plus one day of unlimited golf at Kauri Cliffs (cart included) followed by a "Hole in One" sports massage in the Spa. Based on double occupancy, the package price through Sept. 30 is NZ$1,780 per person (about $1,247 in U.S. dollars), and from Oct.1 through Dec. 14, it's NZ$2,230 per person (about $1,562 American). Package price includes taxes. Extend your "Nirvana"! The same package is available for an add-on stay at Kauri Cliffs' sister property, Cape Kidnappers, in the Hawke's Bay, home to the Tom Doak-designed course.
For more information or to make reservations, call (from U.S.) 011-64 9 407 0010; or email: reservations@kauricliffs.com
For more information go to kauricliffs.com
