What's your Boo IQ?

I spent Wednesday caddying for Boo Weekley at the Farmers Insurance Open, at Torrey Pines. More on that soon, but first, it's time to test your Boo Weekley I.Q. with this quiz on the fun-lovin', long-drivin', Skoal-dippin', beer-guzzlin', two-time-Tour-winnin', 36-year-old pride of Milton, Fla.

1. What does Boo shout when a playing partner runs a putt well past the hole?

a) "Hit a barn!"

b) "Hit a chicken truck!"

c) "Hit a Stadler!"

2. Which phrase did Boo not use to describe his excitement while playing for Team USA in the 2008 Ryder Cup?

a) "Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, this is somethin'!"

b) "I been-a-runnin' 'round the greyhound track chasin' one of them bunnies."

c) "I feel like a dog to somebody done stuck a needle to it and juiced me up."

3. What did Boo do for a living before becoming a professional golfer?

a) Pool cleaner

b) Chemical plant hydroblaster

c) Slip 'N Slide quality inspector

4. Boo has called Arnold Palmer...

a) "The most fan-friendly golfer who ever lived. I wanna be like him."

b) "Slicker than snot on a door knob."

c) "Older than the mountains with twice as much dust."

5. Who suggested that Boo ride his driver Happy Gilmore-style down the fairway during the 2008 Ryder Cup?

a) Adam Sandler

b) Tiger Woods

c) A hotel security guard

6. What is Boo's word for "etiquette"? (As in, "On the greens, it's important to show proper putting etiquette.")

a) "Editcasy"

b) "Editocosity"

c) "Eduh, eduh...just don't step in anyone's line!"

7. Which fictional character inspired Thomas "Boo" Weekley's now-famous nickname?

a) Boo-Boo bear, from the Yogi Bear cartoon

b) Boo Radley from the book To Kill a Mockingbird

c) Betty Boop

8. Who does Boo consider his mental-game teacher?

a) Dr. Bob Rotella

b) Dr. Joe Parent

c) Dr. Jack Daniel's

9. What is Boo allergic to?

a) Cotton pants

b) Bees

c) "Doin' what I'm told."

10. What has Boo said he wants to do after quitting golf?

a) "A whole lotta huntin' and fishin'."

b) "Take a stab at commentatin'. Can't be too hard. Just talkin'."

c) "Open a cozy little antique store in upstate New York and sell dark-cherry vanity chests with beveled mirrors and dovetail drawers to fellow admirers of fine finished furniture."  

(Answers:  1B, 2A, 3B 4A, 5C, 6A, 7A, 8C, 9A, 10A)

(Photo: Chris Keane/Getty Images)

Boo & A: Caddie-for-a-day postponed, not too late to ask questions!

La Jolla, Calif. -- My round caddying for Boo Weekley was rained out Tuesday. Actually, as of this writing, a drop has yet to fall in the San Diego area. But when it simply looks like showers, the '08 Ryder Cup stud prefers his dry hotel room to a potentially soggy course. No mudder, that Boo. A pro after my own heart! (I flake on my golf buddies when the dew point is excessively high.)

So, you still have time to shoot me some questions for Boo, which I'll pass on to him during the round and post in a future Flyers. Some questions you've sent in so far:

Boo, how'd you do deer-hunting this last season?

Does Daly inspire you to lose weight? You're not exactly one of the Tour's flat bellies. 

And this gem from an overseas reader named Rene:

Boo, have you ever tried REAL chewing tobacco? The kind we use in the Scandinavian countries. If you ever come play here, let me know and I will bring some boxes that will light up your lips (and I realize that sounds kind of gay.)

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Post your Boo question below, or email me at Editor@golf.com

You talk to Boo! Tour winner Boo Weekley takes your golf questions

La Jolla, Calif.-- I'm psyched to report that, weather-permitting, I'm caddying for Boo Weekley in a practice round Tuesday at the Farmers Insurance Open at Torrey Pines. I've never caddied before. To calm my nerves, when not trampling his putting through-line or offering course strategy ("Boo, if it were me, I'd balloon a driver, then Hormel a wedge..."), I'll ask him your questions. I'll be too busy fiddling with my inhaler to ask my own.

So talk to Boo. (Or, as his fans call him, "Boooooooooo!") You need a slice fix? Got a question about his '08 Ryder Cup heroics? Wondering about the time he thought it was a good idea to fight an orangutan in a steel-cage match? Post your questions below, or email me at editor@golf.com, and the pride of the Florida panhandle will answer. Include your first name and hometown, too.

Talk to me, people. Boo is waiting for you. (And you can follow our round on Twitter.)

(A par-5-sized thanks for this hook-up to Caddy for a Cure, a charity that works with the PGA Tour and lets Regular Joes like me and you loop for the world's best golfers. Visit their Web site to find out how you can go inside the ropes to lug clubs for the likes of Boo, Ernie and Vijay, while helping important causes, including many children's charities.)

(Photo: Robert Beck/SI)

Must-tee TV

First CSI. Now... Jersey Shore? Golf has taken over the airwaves

A while back, Phil Mickelson made a cameo on Entourage. Then last night, Rocco Mediate, David Feherty and several big golf names appeared on CSI. As I flipped through my Tivo, I noticed that many shows are getting into the game. Here are some TV listings for next week: 

24 (Fox) With the clock ticking and innocent lives hanging in the balance, Jack Bauer must disarm Sergio's putter before it goes off. 

CSI: Miami (CBS) Detective Horatio Cain tracks a Tour pro who stabs his caddie after under-clubbing on the Blue Monster. Says Cain: "Now that's what I call..." [slips on shades] "...a killer slice." Cue opening: 

Big Bang Theory (CBS) Guest star Tiger Woods storms off the set when he realizes this is a CBS sitcom, not Cinemax After Dark.

Dharma & Greg Norman (Discovery Channel) She's a ditzy hipster with a wild spirit. He's an unlucky-in-love divorced dad. Tonight: Greg is furious when Dharma reveals she dated Bob Tway and Larry Mize. (Part of Shark Week.)

Sesame Street (PBS) John Daly sits in for Big Bird; the Count helps J.D. count his wives.

Grey's Anatomy (ABC) Meredith's love life gets complicated when she falls for hotshot heart surgeon McSweaty (Jeff Quinney). 

Jersey Shore (MTV) Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino has a new rival for the affections of Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola: Italian-American Rocco "Grandpa Pants" Mediate.  

Ally McBeal (Syndicated) Fretting over her biological clock, Ally is again visited by the dancing baby (guest star Jimmy Roberts). 

Touched by an Angel (Hallmark) Two-time major winner Angel Cabrera chainsaws the Augusta National tree that almost cost him the Masters. 

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire (Syndicated) In which former billion-dollar-man Tiger Woods is down to his last mill. 

Live! With Regis and Kelly Tilghman (ABC) The Golf Channel star joins the morning show. Dr. Oz gives Regis his annual autopsy. 

Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Land) Tonight's chilling tale: "Phil at Winged Foot." 

Three and a Half Men (CBS) New sitcom starring Craig Stadler. By himself. 

Learning the long ball from one of golf's great characters

A good yarn from a legendary Irish ballstriker

I couldn't resist a second post on the charming Liam Higgins, the European Tour winner and longtime head pro at Waterville Golf Links, in Southwest Ireland. I spent two days with him this week. He's one of golf's great characters, brimming with vivid stories.

Many club pros can't break 80. Higgins still breaks 70. Back in the day, he had the gift-wrapped talent to hang with the likes of Hogan, Miller, Palmer. He won from time to time but never found fame outside Ireland. He could have. He could been a contender. Still, Higgins, 67, hasn't a whisper of regret in his voice when he says, "I could play with the best of them, and yes, I could have won majors, could have won a lot more than I did. But I guess I wanted other things. I wanted to go fishing. I wanted to play for fun. I didn't feel that drive to fight it out every week. I'd win one week, then take a month off. It's just who I am." (Higgins made the 1977 Ryder Cup team but withdrew after breaking a rib in a car crash before the competition.)

For an old Irish pro, his looks are straight-from-central-casting: rickrack teeth, rosy cheeks, brow like a Ruffles potato chip. Slight of stature, he can still crank it 300 yards--and you should have seen him in 1968, when when he took on the reigning long-drive champion. Relaxing in the Waterville clubhouse earlier this week, waiting out a wicked storm, Higgins remembers:

"I was just in my teens. A mere child. I used a persimmon club with a steel shaft that bent like a fishing pole. I could really hammer it. I didn't know when it was coming down or where it was coming down. Some well-off Americans saw me driving and they flew me to New York for a contest against Dick Parlow, the long-drive champion. I'd never left Cork [in the south of Ireland], where I grew up. I was scared to death to be away from home at that age. I get off the plane and there are two huge African-American men waiting to pick me up. I was so sheltered that I'd never seen a black fellow in my life. Turns out, one of them was Joe Louis, the boxer! He knew the fellow putting on the match. The contest was at Westchester Country Club [near New York City]. Parlow was 6'10''. Massive! We're at a 380-yard hole. We can hit as many drives as we want, and the longest ball wins. There are 300 people watching. I'm so homesick, I just want it to be over. I want to go first. The coin-flipper liked me. He says on the sly, 'Call it in the air, and no matter what, I'll say you won [the toss].' Wouldn't you know I 'won' the flip. I took one swing, flew the ball 350 yards, and it reached the back of the green, 380 yards out. I said, 'I'm done. I can't do better.' Well, Parlow drops his bag of balls and walks away, without so much as one swing. That's all it took. Just one swing!"  

To arrange a lesson with Higgins while visiting Ireland, or to plan a golf trip to Southwest Ireland, contact Swing Golf Ireland.

(Photo: James Cheadle)

Dirt from the Old Sod: A wise old Irish pro on what it takes to go low

WATERVILLE, Ireland -- Welcome back to "Operation: Breakthrough," a recurring Flyers feature committed to helping you take your golf game to the next level in 2010.

The things I do for you people. My task today was brutal, I tells ya. I'm in Ireland on (ahem) "assignment." Today, on a shockingly mild January day, I played Waterville Golf Links in Southwest Ireland with Liam Higgins, the longtime head pro at this, one of Golf Magazine's Top 100 Courses in the World. At 67, Higgins' career spans a half century. He played with Hogan and Snead. He won on both the regular and senior European Tour circuits. And he's seen a lot of everyday American golfers tee it up on these shores. To reach the next level, Higgins says, you must flip a switch and swap the laundry list of technical mid-swing thoughts for just one: Knock down the flag. Here's Liam. (This quote is best enjoyed read aloud in a charming, Guinness-soaked Irish accent.)

"Americans tend to let their minds fill up with too many swing thoughts -- 'Toe up, left arm straight, shift weight' -- that it's no wonder they can't hit the ball consistently. The mind is too cluttered, which leads to a weak, passive swing. They hope that if they do A plus B plus C, then it will all work out when the club reaches the ball." Instead, a mental shift is needed, and your muscle memory will do the rest. "Be aggressive with every club. Make a stroke. Accelerate through the impact area. You know what the worst advice is? 'Swing easy.' No! Instead, assert your will on the ball, instead of the other way around. My advice: Focus on impact. Think only 'Knock down the flag.' This fixes so many other problems. This doesn't guarantee a perfect swing, because you might have technical problems. You might need a lesson. But it lets your body take over, instead of your head, and helps you make the best swing you can with [the technique] you've got."

TODAY'S MISSION: Take Liam's advice. Next time you play, banish all technical thoughts. "Leave them on the practice tee," he says. "Be aggressive. Give the ball a good smack! Think only, 'Knock down the flag,' and see what happens. Your body knows what to do. Get your head out of the way and let it."

(Photo: Eric Hepworth)

Psychic hotline

It takes crystal balls to see the future. Golf's Carnac has no fear!

Jay! Conan! There hasn't been this much late-night drama since, well, Thanksgiving weekend at Isleworth. But before then, you'd have to go back to 1992, when Johnny Carson left NBC's Tonight Show, Leno took over, and Letterman bolted for CBS.

Because Carson was the undisputed late-night king, I used my Milton Bradley ouija board to contact Johnny's most beloved character—Carnac, the great sage from the far east—to hear his psychic take on the world of golf. Take it away, Carnac!

"Thank you, and sim sala bim. Carnac sorry he's late—flew here from the Great Beyond, and the astral plane sat on the tarmac for two hours. Carnac will now take these envelopes and divine the answers without knowing the questions. Silence please." [Holds first envelope up to his turban...]

Dumb & Dumber
[opens envelope]
"Which p.r. firm did Tiger Woods hire to manage his sex scandal?"
[Boos, hissing. To audience:] "May a diseased yak aerate your private putting green. Next envelope..."

Goodyear, Walter Hagen, and Mark McGwire
"Name a tire, a Squire, and a liar."

D.Q.
"Where will Tiger have to work part-time after Elin cleans him out?"

Mount Baldy
"What did Stewart Cink's wife do on their honeymoon?"

To Kill a Mockingbird
"What does Barkley look like he's trying to do when he swings?"

Three Dog Night
"Describe Tiger's evening when all the attractive escorts are booked."

An Unlicensed Surgeon and David Duval
"Name two guys who can't make a cut."

The Duck, The Shark, and The Golden Bear
What's a light snack at Roger Maltbie's house?"

Tiger Woods and Lawrence of Arabia
"Name two guys who are between humps."

Deep Fried Shrimp
"What does Ian Woosnam look like when he forgets his Coppertone?" [More boos] "May your next tee shot land in the swelling sewers of Bombay."

The Day After Tomorrow
"When will Jim Furyk finish reading that putt?"

No Country For Old Men
"What do Champions Tour players call the longer, tougher Augusta National?"

Bare Lie
"How does a dishonest bear improve his score?"
[Groans] "May a shirtless Verne Lundquist jump out of your daughter's wedding cake."

1776
"How many lame Tiger cracks can Carnac sneak into this tired bit?"

Three Coins in the Fountain
"How much is the average LPGA purse in 2010?"

[And the final envelope...]

Willie Nelson, Carrot-Top, and Greg Norman
"Name a toker, a joker, and a choker."

Don't go away. We'll be right back with Loni Anderson. Stay tuned!

(Photo: David Cannon/Getty Images)

Chamblee: Phil will rule a tour without Tiger

Ah, 'twas a simpler time. When we last spoke with Brandel Chamblee, the 2009 Tour season was crawling into bed for a quiet, redemptive, Nancy Grace-free slumber. Or not. The Golf Channel analyst called Flyers World Headquarters to address three burning questions for the 2010 season, starting with you-know-who.

Connell Barrett: Brandel, everyone's wondering when Tiger will return. I say the Masters. But whenever it is, a more important issue is how he'll play. Will he be the old Tiger? Will he surpass Nicklaus' record of 18 majors?

Brandel Chamblee: Yes, he will. I like what [Chamblee's Golf Channel colleague] Frank Nobilo said recently: Golf is in Tiger's DNA. It's what he does best. It's who he is. He was meant to win golf tournaments. As far as I know, he didn't do anything to hurt his golf game. I think he'll come out, make a mea culpa in a very organized manner, and get back to playing great golf. On the course, he'll continue to have every asset you could possibly want in a golfer. He's Seve, Jack and Hogan rolled into one—he has Seve's creativity, he thinks his way around a course like Jack, and he has Hogan's focus. No one has ever been similarly blessed. Tragically, Tiger has a character flaw that's been exposed. His image has taken a big hit. But as far as I know, it won't hurt his golf. 

CB: If Tiger's AWOL for a long time, who'll carry the Tour in his absence?

BC: The Tour is very lucky to have Phil Mickelson. If Tiger hadn't come along, Mickelson would have six, seven majors, and we'd be talking about how he's the new Arnold Palmer. Remember, Phil was supposed to be the World No. 1. It was always going to be that way, ever since he was a junior, then an amateur, then a fledgling player on Tour. But no one could imagine that someone as good as Tiger Woods would come along. Maybe now, he reaches No. 1. Phil has already had a phenomenal career, with three major wins. I'd put him in the top 20 all time even if he never wins again. Let's do the math. He turns 40 this year. If we give him until age 46—Jack's age when he won the '86 Masters—to have a chance at winning majors, that's 28 more majors Phil plays in. Can he win two, three, four more majors out of 28? Probably he can, with all his talent. 

CB: If Phil does win four more majors, he'll join Arnold Palmer on the all-time majors list, at seven—a helluva number in the Tiger era. Let's say Tiger goes major-free in 2010. If Phil is the new No. 1, who challenges him?

BC: Anthony Kim has the talent to win major championships. He just needs a little cattle prod stuck to his rear. And that's no knock on him. He's young. He's single. And you know what? He's allowed his vices. They used to call that being colorful. Now, it's called a character flaw. I don't begrudge a young kid acting like a young kid. Having said that, it was Nicklaus who told Lee Trevino, "You're not working hard enough." Jack told Ray Floyd "You're not working hard enough." Both of those guys put their nose to the grindstone and won major championships. That's what Anthony Kim needs to do. 

Golf's 10 New Rules for 2010!

Forget V-grooves. Here are 10 rules changes I'd like to see for 2010

With all the hubbub over the Tour's new rule on V-grooves, now's a good time to shamelessly rip off Bill Maher's "New Rules" feature from his HBO show. Behold, golf's new rules for 2010. (Click here for Maher's own new rule on our hacker-in-chief.)

New Rule John Daly must stop dressing like he drove to the course in a courtesy clown car. (Pants from the Clarabell Collection.)

New Rule No more jokes about Tim Herron's weight. He's a professional athlete and shouldn't be mocked for sporting a few extra pounds. I mean, so what if his cereal bowl has its own lifeguard. (Last one, I promise...)

New Rule Stop telling the press to leave Tiger alone. He's fair game. A public figure by choice. What two people do in the privacy of a church parking lot is everyone's business. 

New Rule Armchair shrinks who say Woods wanted to get caught should stick a golf sock in it. Really? He wanted to devastate his wife, lose a fortune, and float his dentist a few extra bucks? No husband wants to get caught. Enough psycho-babble. The Kentucky Derby called—they want their horse s--- back. 

New Rule Tiger must rebrand himself in new, creative ways to make up for lost endorsements. Looks like he's on the right track. 

New Rule Brit Hume must lay off the assholier-than-thou act. The Fox News Bible thumper suggested Tiger convert from Buddhism to Christianity to fix his cheatin' heart, a shockingly dumb comment. Brit, did you learn nothing from Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder? "Never go full retard." 

New Rule Golf shall not be used as shorthand for corruption, as in James Cameron's film Avatar, which shows the bad guy practicing his putting. Golf is not evil. Subjecting moviegoers to James Cameron's wooden dialogue? That's evil. 

New Rule No more stories about Phil Mickelson's slim, trim physique. Every year we hear how Lefty has transformed his body, yet—and I say this as a card-carrying Phil Phanatic—he still looks like the "before" photo. Phil's something of a jokester. If he says he's up to 75 crunches a day, he probably means Nestle's.

New Rule Vijay Singh has to smile at least once this year. Come on, Veej, show us your pearly whites. Look like a guy who's paid millions to hit a golf ball, not a guy who got hold of some bad clams.

And finally...

New Rule, from special guest: comedian/golf lover Lewis Black Tour pros may no longer credit the Almighty for a victory. "I hate that," Black, a Daily Show regular, told me. "I remember watching the Masters the year Zach Johnson won. I was rooting for him. He was a great story, this underdog. Then he opens his mouth, and it's God this and that. I said, 'Noooooo! Not another one!' Sorry, Zach, but God wasn't with you on the back nine—he was busy helping hurricane victims, where he was needed. You know, God stuff!"

(Daly: Warren Little/Getty Images; Singh: Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

Write and wrong: The problem with Vanity Fair's Tiger Woods story

Annie Leibovitz's cover photo is a stunner, but I didn't love Pulitzer-Prize winner Buzz Bissinger's accompanying essay on Tiger Woods in the new Vanity Fair. Bissinger, who is often brilliant, has nothing new or insightful to say. Read it yourself and tell me if I'm missing something, but I found it...

Lazy
He walks the well-plowed path of pundits who compare Tiger to O.J. Simpson, using the flimsy link that both tabloid tales involve expensive SUVs. Please stop doing that. One man is a multiple philanderer. The other was accused of multiple murders. (On Tuesday, Bissinger himself acknowledged the weakness of the comparison in a Golf Channel interview.)

Inaccurate
"[T]his was the first time we had ever seen him do something human," Bissinger writes of Tiger's November car crash. OK, so those were drops of strategically-placed saline solution streaming down Woods's face when he embraced Earl after the 1997 Masters, and when he broke down after winning the 2006 British Open, two months removed from his father's death?

Did I Mention Lazy?
Bissinger is the umpteenth writer to trot out Charles P. Pierce's infamous 1997 GQ profile of Woods—in which Tiger yucked it up about lesbians and the size of his ... equipment—as a deeply meaningful glimpse into the soul of the "real" Woods. What 21-year-old jock doesn't tell scatological jokes and talk about lesbians?

Here are two better Tiger reads. Chris Jones' 2003 Esquire profile shows an increasingly isolated Woods, and is all the more powerful in light of the scandal. And for an astute, concise insight, look no further than the online reader posts following Bissinger's essay. A commenter named Neena writes: "The new Tiger, the real one, is far more interesting than the automaton created by his father and the handlers who came later. Tiger can emerge from this meltdown as what Tom Wolfe might call 'a man in full,' a complete human being, flawed and filled with needs, as we all are. The old Tiger was a child trying to live up to others' expectations. The real Tiger is a man choosing to live his own life."