'Stevie, You're Fired!'
And hit the road, Sir Charles. If Tiger's serious about changing his ways, he should start with his inner circle. Here's how.
CADDIE
You're fired! Steve Williams You're hired! Bob "Mr. Clean" Chaney
Tiger needs more negative press like he needs a Perkins gift certificate, and the camera-flinging, Phil-bashing Steve Williams is a magnet for controversy. Meet Bob "Mr. Clean" Chaney, so nicknamed for his resemblance to the face on the popular household cleaner. A 65-year-old veteran who has looped for Tour winner Bart Bryant, Chaney has experience, a low-key temperament to soothe Tiger's seething temper, and a hulking frame to part the seas of fans and foes. And who better to keep Tiger honest than a guy called "Mr Clean?"
PGA TOUR MENTOR
You're fired! Mark O'Meara You're hired! David Toms
O'Meara, who now plays the Champions Tour, and Woods are reportedly not as close as they used to be. All around good guy David Toms, 43, is still tapped in to the Big Show, has major-winning cred, and knows about rebuilding after disaster: The Louisiana native's many philanthropic works include relief efforts in New Orleans after Katrina. Bonus: They can bond over having bikini-babe wives.
SWING COACH
You're fired! Hank Haney You're hired! Butch Harmon
If Tiger wants to find the straight and narrow—on the fairway, that is—he should reunite with Harmon, who shaped Woods's swing through 2004, including 2000, when Tiger won three majors, including the U.S. Open by 15 strokes. As Golf Channel analyst Brandel Chamblee told me, "Back in 2000, Tiger hit it farther than everyone by a mile, and was straighter, too." 'Nuff said.
A-LIST PALS
You're fired! Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan You're hired! Tim Tebow and Tim Duncan
Let's do the math. Tiger + Barkley & Jordan x Vegas = Uh oh. The trio's reported booze-and-babe-fueled nights at the MGM Grand's VIP tables created a "culture of adultery," in the words of one sports shrink. The antidote? Team Tim! Squeaky-clean Duncan is married, and his four NBA titles command respect. Tebow, the Heisman-winning stud, has publicly pledged to remain a virgin until marriage. The Tims are more likely to be spotted playing Boggle than blackjack.
AGENCY
You're fired! IMG You're hired! 4U Management
IMG is like IBM: massive, global, corporate. Tiger needs a mom-and-pop shop that feels like a home. Tommy Limbaugh heads Orlando-based 4U Management, which represents Ben Crane and Lee Janzen. He's known as a golf agent who cares. Before the 2010 season, the former college football coach gave an inspiring speech to Team Crane, getting everyone psyched about the coming year. ("Tommy, I will run through a brick wall for you!" one trainer said at the powwow.) After winning the Farmers Insurance Open in January, Crane credited Limbaugh's rah-rah meeting. By many accounts, Tiger's personal life spiraled out of control in part because he became isolated. If IMG has perfected the art of the deal, Limbaugh has perfected the art of the team.
(Bob Chaney, right, with Bart Bryant in 2005. Credit: Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
