British gov't spends $18,000 on golf balls! (So what?)

Bloody ’ell! That’s how some British members of parliament are reacting to the revelation that other MPs spent some $18,000 on custom-branded Titleist golf balls over the last three years, according to The Times of London.

The £12,030 bill emerged after a Tory MP ventured into the rough at his Surrey golf course and discovered a golf ball branded UK Trade and Investment (UKTI). Humfrey Malins, MP for Woking, asked the Department for Business, Enterprise and Regulatory Reform, which funds UKTI, to reveal the full extent of its spending on golf balls.

“It is a complete waste of taxpayers’ money,” said Mr. Malins, who captains the parliamentary golf team.

Parliament has a golf team?

“To think that the Government has been spending over £4,000 a year on golf balls is quite ridiculous,” Malins said.

When did investing £4,000 to boost a nation’s businesses become ridiculous? I know, I know. Golf balls are the issue here, but how would the UK's money be better spent? On binders full of mind-numbing promotional materials? On branded paperweights? On an endorsement deal with John Daly? No, nope, and no chance. You simply can't top golf’s lovable little sphere, which has been one of the most reliable marketing tools since the day a Scottish shepherd carved “O’Looney’s Lamb Chops” onto the side of a small, rounded rock. Malins, a golfer, should appreciate that.

Besides, 18 grand is nothing when you compare it to what our government spends on golf-related projects. According to the Pig Book, an annual accounting of pork-barrel spending, Uncle Sam this year alone sank $3 million into the The First Tee, the feel-good USGA initiative designed to attract underprivileged young people to the game through learning facilities and educational programs. That sounds like a noble enough cause to us golfers, but the Pig Book counters that “in the middle of the war on terrorism” the money would be better spent elsewhere.

Congress also approved $98,000 for renovations to the world-renowned Wakely Lodge Resort, site of a nine-hole public track in upstate New York. “The $19 greens fee,” the Pig Book sniffs, “is apparently not enough to cover renovations to the lodge.”

Delve into the PB’s 2000 edition and you’ll find another earmark sure to make John McCain’s skin crawl—a $1 million handout for construction of South Carolina’s Limehouse Bridge, which is “used by patrons of golf resorts on Kiawah and Seabrook Islands.” 

A Bridge to Nowhere? Nah, not with the Ocean Course on the other side.