Cops busted for playing golf on the clock

Car 54, where are you?

Uh, on the back nine.

That's how the radio call might have gone last month in Hernando, Miss., when three of the town's highest-ranking police officers got busted for playing golf on the clock. This week they got their punishment: demotions and suspension without pay, according to WREG-TV.

One of the officers was Assistant Police Chief Shane Ellis. " I did wrong. My parents raised me to take responsibility and that's what I did. I understand the board's position and I'll take the punishment."

For three hours the Hernando City Council held an executive session to decide the fate of Ellis and Lt. Charlie Terry and Lt. Roger Swatzyna. Mayor Chip Johnson wouldn't discuss what happened behind closed door saying, "There were personell issues that were discussed we can't talk about because of state law."

When asked what ultimately lead to the council's decision, Mayor Johnson said, " I think the nail in the coffin was everyone, including the officers, knew it was wrong. So the aldermen made the decision on how to correct that."

At least we know where the safest place in Mississippi is.

Driving Miss Daly?

There’s something different about this year’s RE/MAX World Long Drive Championship women's winner, Lana Lawless, a 55-year-old bartender who can drive a golf ball 245 yards into a 40-mph wind. Lawless is older than the normal contestant, she’s a former police officer, and, oh yeah, she used to be a man.

James Achenbach of GolfWeek has all the weird details. As you might imagine, some are crying foul at Lawless’ presumed advantage, but transgendered women are allowed to compete under USGA guidelines, according to Achenbach.

The image of a policeman-turned-woman does not sit easily with many participants in a sport driven by power, muscle and speed.

“I am shocked more women are not complaining about this,” three-time world champion Sean “The Beast” Fister said. “It’s not an apples-to-apples deal. Men and women are different.”

Added former women’s world champion Lee Brandon: “In 2005, the USGA approved transgender involvement in competition, so I don’t see how we can dispute this. However, if a woman has the knees, hands and feet of a man, she has genetic real estate that is more gifted.”

Lawless had her supporters, including 2007 men’s champ Dobbyn, who observed, “When I watch her, I don’t see any advantage. She hits it like an LDA (Long Drivers of America) woman.”

The rules governing transgender golf competition are precise and numerous. For Lawless, they included mandatory doctor reports, lab results within normal female limits and onsite testing.

Transsexuals are allowed to compete in the Olympic Games, although none has yet qualified, according to this New York Times op-ed.

(Photo: Banggolf.com)

Club throwing goes competitive

Stracka.com is sponsoring a long drive challenge in Georgia today. More importantly, though, they've added a new competition to their event, a golf club throwing contest! "Distance and style matter," said Brian Nash, Golf's Long Drive Champ. "Not everyone can drive the ball 300 yards, but everyone can throw a golf club 30 yards."  The event will be broadcast live online at 3 p.m. EST here.

Participating or having a challenge of your own? Our Top 100 Teacher Charlie King has advice on how to get maximum distance in your club throw.

Morgan Freeman has his priorities straight

Morgan Freeman may have survived his frightening car crash earlier this week, but, now that he is no longer in critical condition, he’s got more important things on his mind. “He’s worried about his golf swing,” reported Freeman’s close friend and business partner, Bill Luckett.

It’s no shock that Freeman, 71, is already thinking about hitting the links as he undergoes arm surgery after the accident on Mississippi Highway 32. Just last year, while promoting his movie “The Bucket List,” Freeman revealed that his main goal before he dies is to improve his 30+ handicap. As Andy Dufresne might say: It comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy golfing, or get busy dying.

Faster than a speeding golf cart

Slow play has plagued the game of golf since the first time an unlucky Scot spent 45 minutes sifting through piles of damp highland fescue and sheep excrement in search of his wayward feathery. These days, the average loop takes about four hours, but last week, the folks from a radio station in Boyne Falls, Mich., fought back.

The station, Boyne and News/Talk 760 WJR, broke the world record for the fastest “round of golf,” besting the previous mark (held by a sister station in Texas) by clocking in at a roadrunner-esque 7 minutes and 56 seconds. Impossible you say? Well, “round of golf” is in quotation marks for a reason. In truth, the station completed the feat by strategically placing more than 40 participants throughout Boyne Mountain Resort, with players down the fairways hitting the balls as they came to rest, and a golfer teeing off as soon the previous putt was sunk.

So unconcerned was the station with the traditional rules of the game that the players didn’t even bother to keep score. Still, pending confirmation by Guinness, this will go down in history as the world’s fastest round of golf ... and in the distance you can almost hear Rory Sabbatini crying tears of joy.

Read more about the record-breaking round.

Knee-highs optional

Last week, the Frinton Golf Club in Essex, England took one of its most controversial rules off the books: their 113-year-old ban on bare legs. While jeans, tee-shirts and track suits are still apparel non grata, Frinton’s dress code, which had remained unaltered since the club opened in 1895, will now permit tailored shorts and short socks.

This decision is a relief to the club’s junior members and visiting golfers (who were hot and bothered by having to don knee-highs even in the height of summer), but not every member is so pleased. Traditionalists are likely concerned that this ruling will set a bad precedent for next week’s vote on the club’s controversial 107-year-old “No Fat Chicks” policy.

Read more about it

Martial Arts Instructor Convicted of Rough Rage

A former sheriff’s reserve officer from Orange County, CA was convicted of making criminal threats against another golfer in an incident that escalated from shouting match to potential gunfight.

When Raymond K. Yi got fed up with what he perceived as slow play with the group ahead of him, he hit into them twice. The second time, Marcelo Bautista (a member of the foursome in front) smacked Yi’s ball from the fairway. Bautista claims that when he refused to retrieve the ball, Yi pulled a badge and a (supposedly) unloaded gun. Yi claims that he only pulled the gun when Bautista’s uncle swung a club at the defendant’s head. Despite the conviction, the jury sided with Yi on five more serious counts, leaving him waiting on a sentence that could send him to jail for up to three years.

The next time you're stuck behind some slow players, here are a few ways to speed the group up without committing a felony:

1) Yell “fore” before every shot, just to be extra careful.

2) Eat a can of refried beans before a downwind par-3.

3) Use an airhorn to ward off evil spirits on the green.

4) Work on your tan lines while you play…ALL your tan lines.

5) Five words: Yanni Live at the Acropolis.

Have any other ways to deter slow play? Comment below.

Read the complete story on knbc.com.

Is Cruise giving Katie membership to impress his father-in-law?

Apparently jumping on Oprah’s couch may not have been enough to earn Tom Cruise the respect of his father-in-law. According to several reports, Cruise is considering ponying up around $150,000 to add wife Katie Holmes (who recently took up golf) to his membership at the exclusive Bel-Air Country Club so that she can invite her father, Martin, who is an avid linkster. Though he hasn’t spoken out publicly, it has been rumored that Martin (a devout Catholic) has never approved of her relationship with the noted Scientologist, and Cruise hopes this will bridge the gap. It may seem a large price to pay to impress your in-laws, but keep in mind that family therapy is likely not an option.

Read the complete story on news.com.au.

Golf ball theft ends in highway chase, arrests

Two suspects were arrested yesterday after an interstate pursuit from Opelika, AL to West Point, GA.

The offenders supposedly stole 18 cases of Titleist ProV1s from a Dick’s Sporting Goods, with a retail value of over $825. Although more details will not be available until the pair is officially placed under arrest back in  Alabama, it seems safe to say that they had a lot of balls.

Read the complete story on oanow.com.

Speedboat starts in Loch Lomond, ends up in greenside bunker

What do you get when you combine the boat chase in “From Russia With Love” with the golf scene in “Goldfinger”? A very dangerous situation. That was the sight yesterday at the exclusive Loch Lomond Golf Club in Dunbartonshire, Scotland, when a speedboat came flying over the bonny banks and into a bunker over 30 yards away. Apparently the motorboat hit a "double wave" at fast speed, causing it to hurtle out of control towards the shore. Fortunately, the boat’s skipper bailed out safely and no one on the course was injured. Read the entire story on dailymail.co.uk.

(Photo from dailymail.co.uk)