American golf fans are looking forward to this year’s Ryder Cup the same way a PETA supporter looks forward to a pig roast: that is, we know it’s going to make us sick.

After the Dublin drubbing in 2006, the Michigan mauling in 2004, and the Belfry bell-ringing in 2002, the Ryder Cup is not even a contest anymore. We are the Cubs. We are the Washington Generals. We are Charlie Brown.

This year, Valhalla looks like more of the same. Sure, U.S. captain Paul Azinger will add a little edge to this year’s proceedings (he’s already called Europe captain Nick Faldo a “p---k”—he later said he meant it in a good way). But unless Sergio Garcia has a hair-styling accident or the Europeans do something incredibly stupid like leave Colin Montgomerie off the team, it’s hard to imagine any other result than blue flags across the leaderboard.

But take heart, American golf fans, we may have a secret weapon this year: the French.

That’s right, according to a story in the Welsh newspaper The Western Mail, this year’s European team may include a Frenchman:

France’s Raphael Jacquelin, in Shanghai this week to defend his BMW Asian Open title, believes that the French boys are again making waves following victories by Thomas Levet at last month’s Andalucia Open and Gregory Bourdy in the Portuguese Open the following week.

“It is not a big surprise as the French group is improving a lot. We are all working hard to compete at the top in Europe and maybe later the top of the world,” said Jacquelin. “Maybe we will see a French player in the Ryder Cup team at the end of the year.”

Hmmmmm. So the unbeatable Euros who make so much of their camaraderie may add a player from a country known mainly for mime and British Open collapses. Sounds like a surrender monkey wrench in the works.