What PGA really stands for

I'm here in Savannah hanging out at the Legends of Golf, by far the best Champions tour event of the year. Over the last two days the stars of the show have been the boys in the Demaret division, for players 70 and over. Guys you thought were dead are out there making birdies by the bushel. These players are old-school to the bone, and such characters, too.

They flirt shamelessly with the old biddies in the crowd and gather on the practice putting green every afternoon to complain about their sciatic nerves and swap dirty jokes. I crashed one of these bull sessions and got stomach cramps from laughing so hard. One old-timer, whom I shall keep anonymous, said to me, "You know why we have so much fun? Because we've never forgotten what PGA stands for: p---y, gambling and alcohol." I hope I have similar interests when I'm 75.