I hereby declare war on the Golf Channel, as of 1:52 p.m. The network was airing a series of comments by golf writers, including myself, about Paul Goydos. One of my comments was the last of the segment in which I said that Goydos was like us writers, he is funny, sarcastic, cynical and self-deprecating. Next up was former tour player Brandel Chamblee, who added, "Paul Goydos is just like Gary Van Sickle -- except he can play!"

Cheap shot noted. War declared.

Chamblee, whose only tour win came in a tournament that is now defunct (and don't think that isn't a coincidence), was my partner one day in a two-man scramble event last December in Scottsdale, Ariz. We shot 61 as a team and I don't know how to put this politely but my back was aching after the round from all the excess and useless luggage I was forced to drag around 18 holes.

We were paired with Golfweek's Jeff Rude and Benoit Beisser, the guy with the ponytail on Golf Channel's "The Big Break." They shot 58 gross (54 with Rude's handicap strokes). Besser started out something like par, birdie, birdie, hole-in-one, birdie. When he got up on the sixth hole and blistered another low screaming drive that cut ever so slightly back into the middle of the fairway, Chamblee asked, "Ben, how the hell is it that I've never heard of you?"

Rude asked Brandel, don't you even watch your own network, the Big Break? "Hell no," Brandel replied.
He had no idea who Benoit (pronounced Ben-wah) was.

Goydos may be like me but I'm not like Chamblee. I read Sports Illustrated, my employer. (Even the Swimsuit Issue.)